Merely the first ten idiotic things that occurred to me about Jupiter Ascending

Jupiter Ascending is shit, there are lots of reasons why, here are ten. Oh you wanted a better introduction? Well I wanted a better film. Hey ho.

1. Mila Kunis plays a cleaner called Jupiter, who cleans toilets. It is impossible to accept that Jupiter has ever come within sniffing distance of a bottle of Cillit Bang; Mila Kunis and toilets go together like Denise Richards and nuclear physics

Ten Films You Won't Believe Are One Month Old

Time flies when you're a movie blogger hard up for new content, and who among us can actually, seriously believe that 2015 is ALREADY into its second month when it feels like it just started a few weeks ago?!?! Seems to me like the perfect opportunity to cast our minds back to a more innocent time: January 2015, when life was simple, films were made the old fashioned way and Superbowl trailers

Seven films I'll be giving a shit about in

JUPITER ASCENDING



There is no middle ground here: Jupiter Ascending will either be the most bonkersly brilliant film this year or an absolutely colossal, catastrophic cacksplosion which will bring an end to filmmaking for good. Either way it'll be something to talk about on Twitter. (6th)



SELMA



I love civil rights, me. Ruddy love 'em. Give me those civil rights and give them to me

Kingsman: The Secret Service

For 24 hours in late 2005, Matthew Vaughn was under the impression - not unreasonably, having apparently been offered the gig by the head of MGM - that he would be directing Casino Royale, the film that brought us the James Bond origin story we never knew we wanted. Whatever he did to get himself evicted from Bond Street, it's obviously been giving him nightmares ever since: he's now on his

A Most Violent Year

JC Chandor's third film as writer and director is about as far removed from his second as is possible: where All Is Lost was a one-man show with barely any dialogue set in a single location (more or less), A Most Violent Year boasts a tremendous ensemble cast, a dense, layered script and hops effortlessly around the industrial edges of New York. Both films, though, are about one thing: survival

Ex Machina

People have been telling stories and making films about robots, arguably since before the term was even invented in 1920. It wasn't long before some of those moviebots had artificial intelligence bestowed upon them, and then it was but a matter of time before filmmakers began to question what it meant to be artificially intelligent; to be capable of independent thought but to be a permanent

Rod Taylor1930-2015

"I don't care much for the time I was born into.

It seems people aren't dying fast enough these days."

- George Wells, The Time Machine

Enemy

If you can find one of the 0.004 cinemas in the country currently screening Denis Villeneuve's Enemy, starring Jake Gyllenhaal in a dual role as, uh, two Jake Gyllenhaals, then I highly recommend that you do so. Now that we're in 2015, however, which is officially The Future as ordained by Sir Bobert of Zemeckis, you can already watch it at home, with your central heating cranked up to max and

It's The Incredible Suit's 1000th post!

I have literally no idea how to celebrate this. Look at this lovely picture of Roger Moore as Sherlock Holmes while I think of something.

CG bear makes fool of smug blogger

Well this is embarrassing. Having firmly settled on my Top 10 Films Of 2014 some weeks ago, safe in the knowledge that nothing else from the remainder of the year's cinematic output could possibly be good enough to knock Spike Jonze's Her off the arse end of the list, I blithely strolled into a cinema to pass some time while on holiday in the Lake District last week and had my presumptions

Thirteen - thirteen! - films I'll be giving a shit about in January

BIRDMAN


I can confirm, like pretty much every sane human being on Earth, that Birdman is definitely worth giving a shit about. It's got some of the best superhero-actors-being-peculiar-in-their-pants scenes I've ever witnessed, and I've witnessed loads, although none spring to mind at this particular moment in time. Anyway here's my review. (1st)


THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING



I love me a